Broken Love
by Chima
Summary: Not all love stories have happy endings.
1. Broken Love

Lee stared at the ground from his perch on a low wall on the outskirts of Konoha. The moon had risen long ago and now shone down from between the stars, its light turning everything to ghostly shapes. Lee didn't look up as he heard the footsteps crunching along the gravel toward him; his mind easily identified them as Gai's, and therefore not a danger.

"Lee? What're you doing out so late?" Lee knocked the backs of his sandals against the wall he was sitting on, trying to come up with an answer. "Neji told me you disappeared after your sparring match earlier."

They'd fought, Lee had lost - not _too _badly, his pride told him - and while Lee was still sitting dizzy on the ground Neji had darted off. "He's the one that disappeared," Lee mumbled. Several moments of uncomfortable silence ensued.

"You should get home; get some sleep."

Lee nibbled at his lip. "I'll be okay."

Gai sat down next to him, looking up at the moon. No words passed for several minutes until finally Gai said, "What's the matter, Lee? You've been acting oddly for a while now." No answer. "...I'm worried about you."

"There's no reason to worry, I'm fine," Lee said, tearing his eyes from the ground to look up at Gai with a smile. "The moon's just nice tonight; I wanted to watch it." The smile was forced, but on the outside anyone would've thought it was genuine. Except Gai, who had taught him his smile.

"For six hours?" Gai didn't even mention the fact that Lee had been staring at the ground.

"I...must've lost track of time?"

"Please don't try to lie, Lee. It doesn't suit you." The broken smile faded from Lee's face as he turned back to the ground.

"I really did lose track of time," Lee said softly and turned back to the ground. "Everything's just...a little...confused," Lee finally said, slowly, as if he were trying to tell the truth without revealing anything. He took a deep breath. The blush that had faded from his face came back as he half-looked at Gai, face turned toward him but eyes carefully not meeting his sensei's. "What do you do whenyoulikesomebodyandtheydon'tlikeyouback?" the words jumbled together and came out so quickly that Lee hoped Gai wouldn't be able to decipher them, because then when Gai asked he could say 'nevermind' and wouldn't have to explain, and he could go die of embarrassment in peace.

"Hnn..." Gai sighed, looking back at the moon. "It's difficult, isn't it? Like trying to pull the stars out of the sky," Gai's hand came up, reaching toward the sky and closing as if he were grabbing a handful of stars. "You see something beautiful, but it won't let you near enough to hold it." _Sakura? Is that who this is about? _The hand pulled back and when he opened it it was - of course - empty. "Have you told them?"

"No," Lee admitted. _Not Sakura, then._ "I tried to, a lot of times, but...they never even seemed to catch the hints."

_Tenten, maybe? _"How do you know she doesn't like you back?" Lee flinched slightly - _Not a she?_ - and didn't answer._ Neji...? Of course, it makes sense now... _ "Or...he?" Gai said carefully. Lee blushed deeper and hunched a little further, as if to instinctively protect himself from a blow. He flinched when Gai's hand clapped down on his shoulder, but when he looked up a moment later Gai spread a disarming smile across his face. "Lee, love is a wonderful thing, and comes in millions of shapes and sizes. Gender is a small barrier to cross, or not cross, as the case may be."

The kiss was clumsy, faces too close so lips were mashed against teeth, awkwardly moving and trying to show too many pent-up feelings at once. It only took Lee a few moments to realize that it was completely one-sided. Gai's mouth was dead under his own, and when Lee opened his eyes he saw that his sensei's eyes were wide with shock.

"A...ai shiteiru," Lee said as he pulled away. His voice was broken and sounded almost pained. He slid off the wall, trying to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. Wasn't love supposed to be perfect, make all the pain go away? Wasn't true love supposed to never be one-sided? "Sumimasen," he whispered.

Rock Lee never ran from anything. The words 'I give up' simply couldn't be arranged that way, coming from his lips. He didn't run. Instead, he set his shoulders and hoped that from behind Gai couldn't see them shake.

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a picture done by a good friend of mine to go along with this chapter

vampireking deviantart com/art/Broken-Love-pic-56569301

put periods instead of spaces between vampireking/deviantart and deviantart/com


	2. Rain

It was raining.

It was as if the sky had opened up to let out all of its pent-up anguish at being taken for granted, for people basking in its sunlight and cursing its clouds, defying its night with lights and hiding behind closed windows from the day's shine.

A figure stood in the middle of one of the less-traveled roads of Konoha. The road no longer had puddles, instead having turned into a shallow river, and its currents rippled around the ankles of the boy standing in it. He faced a house set slightly back from the road, head bowed and arms outstretched. His green jumpsuit was completely soaked through and stuck to his muscled body like a second skin; his short hair was plastered to his forehead and cheeks and hid his eyes from view. It was impossible to tell how long he'd been standing there, but he trembled neither from cold or the exertion of holding his arms out for an extended period.

"Lee? Is that you?"

He didn't raise his head at his teacher's voice coming from the house before him. His lips parted as he breathed through his mouth, breathing somehow unsteady and perfectly controlled at once.

"What are you doing out in the rain?" Gai called, louder this time to be heard over the pounding rain. There was no wind, only the ceaseless patter of rain on leaves and tiles. "Lee?"

He was darting out the door now, a jacket held over his own head in an ineffectual attempt to shield himself from the rain. It was soaked through by the time he stood before the figure in the rain, but he held it over the boy anyway.

"You'll catch cold if you're out here in the cold and wet too long," Gai trailed off when Lee didn't respond. "Lee? Are you all right…?"

"Why…is it wrong?" his voice was no louder than the almost-harsh breaths he was taking.

"What?"

"Why is it wrong?" he repeated louder, still without raising his head.

"Why is what-"

For the first time in his life, Lee interrupted his teacher. "Please don't pretend you're stupid! Everyone else thinks you are but you AREN'T, and I might not be perfect but I'm not stupid either, so I know you're not!"

"Lee-"

"Why is it wrong?!" Lee barked, and his voice broke. He bit his lower lip, and when no answer came he continued, "Am I not good enough? Not smart enough? Not beautiful enough?"

"Lee, you have to understand…" Gai began, but trailed off as if he had expected Lee to interrupt him again and so hadn't fully formed his answer. "It simply isn't _done_."

"What isn't done? We're not allowed to love who we love? Is that a shinobi law? Were you lying when you told me all you did, of the purity of love and its truth? Of how it could heal the most broken warrior, and bring light to all the darkest places in a person's heart?!" Lee was shaking now, though not from the cold. "Am I not strong enough?" His voice was little more than a whisper. "I'll train for the rest of my life, I swear it, I swear upon the graves of my parents, I'll become strong enough for you."

"Lee, please, that's not it…"

"Then what is? Why can't you love me?"

"It's not my place to, destiny has someone in store for you, someone beautiful and perfect--"

"YOU ARE MY DESTINY!" His head snapped up, a sheet of water arcing backward as his hair released its load of water to momentum before falling messily about his face again. "_YOU_ ARE MY DESTINY!" Tears streaked down his face from eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying to mix with the water dripping from his hair. "_YOU!" _At some point Gai had dropped the jacket, and now it lay in the mud on the ground. The rain ran from his normally perfect hair and down his face, outlining his cheekbones and eyes. It ran through his usually perfectly preened eyebrows, pushing the tiny hairs ever so slightly out of place. Lee wanted to reach out and smooth them, push his hair away from where it stuck to his forehead in ungainly clumps, smooth out every wrinkle he had made in this perfect man. Instead he stared into his eyes, tears streaking down his face and his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and anger and heartache.

"I'll be strong enough. I'll be strong enough. I'll be strong enough." He whispered it like a mantra as his head dipped back down and the rain continued its attempt to wash him away. "I'm waiting for you…I won't surrender…I'll never, ever, _ever_ give up…"

"Lee, _please_--" He took Lee by the shoulders and then Lee's lips were on his again, pushing and pleading and his hands were in the older man's hair and against his back, holding them together even as the rain continued to try to wash them both away.

"Is it right?" Lee whispered when he finally pulled away. "Please…please…Is it right? It doesn't feel wrong…" His eyes were closed, as if he were afraid to open them and find rejection. "I'll be strong enough, I promise, just…please…please…Don't let this love end…don't tell me to make it end…" He was crying into Gai's shoulder now, arms wrapped around his sensei as his entire body shook with sobs. Gai's arms were still half-spread in surprise, but slowly, slowly, as if he were afraid to break the sobbing boy in his arms, he gently wrapped his arms around him and bowed his head.

"It…It's all right, Lee…It's all right," he whispered into the smaller form's sodden hair, just above his ear. His voice was soft enough to be impossible to hear over the pounding of the rain. "It's not wrong."

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inspired by this picture

saniika deviantart com/art/You-are-my-destiny-45553863 (put periods instead of spaces between saniika/deviantart and deviantart/com

and here's a picture done by my friend again, for this chapter

vampireking deviantart com/art/Destiny-56614822 (put periods instead of spaces between vampireking/deviantart and deviantart/com)


	3. Gone

ok, for this one the pictures that inspired that part of the story are within the text.

put periods instead of spaces between deviantart/com

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"What would you know of difficult missions, in any case?! You can't even do ninjutsu or genjutsu - you're not allowed on any sort of stealth missions due to your nature - you're barely even a shinobi!"

Lee froze with his mouth halfway open in an angry reply. A moment later, Gai realized what he'd said.

"Lee...oh, Lee...I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was saying..."

Lee's eyes were empty of their usual shine as his lips moved to shape quiet words. "Barely a shinobi..."

"Lee, I didn't mean it. I was angry, it's not what I meant--"

"It's _exactly_ what you meant and you _know_ it! For all my hard work, all my pain, all my believing everything you spoke of? And I'm BARELY a _SHINOBI?!_" All the pent-up pain and anger of years of struggle and the other students' insults were breaking free. Lee slammed his fist into the tree he'd been leaning against. "All of your words of encouragement, were they only to make me feel better about my nonexistent future?!"

"Lee, calm _down--_" Gai stepped toward him and Lee instinctively lashed out, catching his teacher across the jaw. Before Lee could swing again Gai caught hold of his arms and spun him around, holding him so that he faced away from his teacher. Lee's eyes went wide as he saw what he had done; the tree had split up the middle and shattered around his fist, and now it toppled to the ground. Gai let him go and Lee spun around to see the bruise rising on his teacher's cheek. Gai wiped a droplet of blood from the corner of his mouth without a word. Lee bit his lip, unable to quite let go of his anger, though he felt shame rising in its place.

"I'll...I'll show you I'm a great shinobi! I'll _prove_ it to you!" He was gone a moment later, racing off into the woods.

"Lee, wait!"

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Gai flew backward, propelled by incredible force to slam into a boulder jutting out of the ground. He fell forward into the loam, blood spattering the leaves around him, and gritted his teeth against the pain of what he knew to be several broken bones.

"Gaisensei!" Lee cried from to the side, only just having caught up to his teacher and the enemy nin they had engaged. He skidded to a stop between Gai and the shinobi, half-falling to his knees as his legs gave out in agony. But he pushed himself up again and fell into his fighting stance, steady despite the many bloodstains on his uniform.

Gai realized that Lee would fight to the death, and in that instant any doubts he'd had vanished. He reached up and calmly took hold of Lee's arm, pulling himself up and restraining his student in one motion. When Lee glanced over in surprise - and horror that Gai was moving with his body so broken - and Gai smiled. He stood straight as chakra began to course through his system, holding together broken bones and torn muscle. He gently pushed Lee behind him.

"Lee...it will be all right. Stay behind me. The time has come...for me to protect my most special person." He closed his eyes, droplets of blood streaming from them down his cheeks - they were useless now anyway. A serene smile spread across his face as he walked toward his opponent.

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"A-almost there, Gaisensei..." Lee choked out as he saw the wall of Konoha through a break in the trees. His face relaxed with hope, but then straightened again with determination. One foot in front of the other. His weights were gone, replaced with splints holding together broken bones.

It had been too long since the two started out on the mission together, even if it had only been that morning. But Lee would never forget it. He would never forget how after his wild blaze of glory - glowing chakra, tensed muscles, and such incredible taijutsu - Gai had turned back to Lee, smiled, and collapsed to the ground. Carefully, Lee shifted the weight of his teacher on his back. His arms wrapped around his teacher's, afraid of letting go. He knew that had he done so, the strands holding Gai's life together woud be severed. Tears welled up in Lee's eyes.

The scene played over and over in his head. The image of his sensei, after defeating their enemy falling limp to the ground in the twilight that returned after the brilliant shine of his chakra faded. Guilt spread through his mind. It was all _his_ fault. It was Lee's fault for the state of his sensei. Had he not rushed forward to prove he was a great shinobi, had he not run straight into that ninja, had he not gotten himself in way over his head, his teacher would not have been like this. The tears grudgingly rolled down his cheek. Behind him, on his back, Gai stirred.

"Lee..." Gai mumbled, still so weak from the battle hours before. Those hours of trying to hold on to his life felt ike an eternity.

"Gaisensei!" Lee shouted back, his voice hysterical. "Do not speak, sensei! You will only cause more harm to yourself! We...we are almost there."

"Good..." his voice was weak, but Gai instantly picked up on the sniffling of his student. "Why...why the tears, Lee?" He flinched as Lee repositioned him, pain racking his body.

"Sensei, why...why did you push yourself so hard against him? I could've fought by you, or we could have retreated..." he trailed off. He was afraid. He could feel the way Gai's body moved, knowing that there was serious internal damage even without looking. He could all but feel his sensei's pain, it was so intense.

"Because..." he paused to draw a breath that sounded far too wet, and Lee interrupted him.

"You did not have to risk your life, Sense--"

"Because I was protecting what I hold most precious and dear to me." Lee was silent, a slight blush spreading across his cheeks. Gai chuckled as if he could see it, and Lee could feel the pain even that caused him. "Lee, I had to fight to my full extent, to make sure you were not harmed. You did...the right thing, Lee. So clear up those tears. Understand?"

"Yes, Gaisensei!" In a flash, his eyes cleared. He could see the gates of Konoha ahead of them on the road. No sooner had they appeared than Gai began to cough up blood. Lee's eyes widened as he tried to force his broken body to pick up its pace. "Hang on, we are almost there! Do not give up, Sensei!"

Gai smiled as the coughing subsided and he laid his head on his pupil's shoulder. "No..." he whispered. "I will not give up. I will go on. You are my reason for living, Lee." His arms tightened slightly around his student's shoulders, the closest he could come to an embrace in his condition. "I'm not going to die as long as you are around. That is because I..." Pain rattled his body again. Lee froze, holding tight to his teacher as his muscles spasmed. Then as quickly as it began, it was over, and Gai's body fell limp. Lee wrapped his teacher's arms around his neck once more and forced his broken body to move toward the gates.

"Almost there...almost there..." he repeated the phrase as each step grew heavier. Tears rolled helplessly down his cheeks once more. The gates were so _close!_ The warm lamplight, any minute now they would be within its reach and a guard would see them. "Almost...there..." The tears increased as he felt the cool breath on the back of his neck suddenly cease. He pushed on, the same words repeating in his mind. _Take another step._ He refused to accept the fact that he could no longer feel any breathing behind him. _Just one more after that._ He utterly refused the fact that _one more isn't so hard _he could no longer feel Gai's heartbeat against his back. He just refused...He refused... "Almost there...almost there..."

--- deviantart com/deviation/47690538/ ---

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and more fanart from my good friend VC!

vampireking deviantart com/art/Refusal-56682198

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	4. Returning

White.

Bright. Too many lights. Hard matress...and that smell. The clean smell, but overly much - so familiar...too familiar...

Hospital.

Konoha.

We made it.

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"Gaisensei?"

Lee swung the crutches forward as he shouldered open the door, the movement easy from practice of countless times spent in the hospital. The room was empty apart from them; there were few enough other patients in the hospital to merit each their own room. Gai's arms were wrapped tight in bandages, tubes entering his wrist. What could be seen of his torso was also swathed in bandages. There were tubes going into his nose, but the sight that made Lee's breath hitch were the wraps over Gai's eyes. Lee ignored the pain in his casted legs as he moved to the side of his sensei's bed to sit in the chair waiting for him.

Gai shifted, tilting his head so that he faced Lee. "Leekun."

Silence, apart from the birds chirping on the wire outside the room and the laughing of children down the street. Light filtered into the room through the thin, half-closed curtains. Lee's hand slipped into Gai's. He gripped it gently, Gai returning the motion. _I'm here._

Minutes passed in semi-comfortable silence. Lee was carefully not looking at the bandages over Gai's eyes, and instead focused on his jaw and the all-but-faded bruise there. Suddenly, Lee shifted forward, reaching forward to brush a few strands of hair away from Gai's face. Gai flinched slightly at the sound of movement and the touch, then relaxed into Lee's hand. Lee blushed slightly, not having intended any sort of personal contact, but didn't remove his hand. His thumb ran over the bandages lighty as he finally forced himself to look at them. Woven bands of cotton, wrapped around enough times to block any view of the skin beneath. He traced it back to the knots holding them in place.

"Leekun, no - " it was a weak protestation, Gai's hand coming up to take hold of Lee's forearm.

Lee didn't stop, undoing the first of the knots holding the bandages around Gai's head. "I...I want to see," Lee whispered, as if he were afraid to say it. Gai's face tensed, then relaxed, and his grip gentled to a simple touch with it. Lee unwound the bandages silently, and as more unwound spatters of blood appeared on them. When his face was finally revealed, Lee bit his lip. Both eyes were heavily bruised and lids tightly closed, though not by the swelling. His right eye was heavily burned by chakra, and a spidery web of scars stretched across his nose and partially over his left. "...Gaisensei?"

Slowly, Gai opened his eyes. The whites of his eyes were nearly completely red from broken blood vessels. Lee's eyes welled up with tears as he saw the blankness in them, the slight unfocusing and darting as they searched for something solid to rest on.

"...Oh, Sensei..." The tears started to fall Lee stared at his teacher's eyes, knowing they couldn't see him. Lee's fist clenched in anguish on the pillow next to Gai's head, and Gai brought his hand up to grasp Lee's. It seemed a motion to comfort Lee, but Gai's hand shook as it took hold of Lee's and he held slightly harder than he meant to. "This is all my fault, if I hadn't run off I wouldn't have run into that nin, and he wouldn't have taken me by surprise," tears streamed over his cheeks to patter onto the sterile hospital sheets and unraveled bandages. "Then you wouldn't have had to come save me, and wouldn't have gotten hurt--"

"But we're alive."

"But your _eyes!_" Lee cried, his free hand coming up. He brushed his thumb across the scarring to the side of his sensei's eye. Lee's body shook with sobs, "If it weren't for me--"

"But we're alive." Gai brought his other hand up to clench both around Lee's. "We're alive. Don't worry so much." He released Lee's hands and traced one of his own up Lee's arm to find his face and wipe away the tears. "We'll heal. So no more tears, all right?"

His tears slowed but didn't quite stop as he squeezed his eyes shut. Lee's hand moved to clasp Gai's against his cheek and he nodded, a choked noise escaping him.

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Lee's eyes were still red and his face blotchy when Kakashi walked in. The leader of team seven nodded to Lee and looked Gai over quickly, stopped on his eyes, then pulled a bowl of curry from behind his back and set it on the slide-table by Gai's bed. He glanced at Gai's face again from the corner of his eye.

"Copycat."

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Bright green blurs dart over the grass behind the hospital where a sign proclaiming 'Physical Therapy' hangs, and nurses scurry after the bursts of green. Lee and Gai are careful to keep moving away from them, so as not to accidentally hit one of them.

"Medics always get in the way of training, don't they, Lee?" Gai says through gritted teeth as he and Lee lock arms, block-to-block. His face is spread wide in a smile.

Lee glances over his shouler at the medics, then grins back at him. "Always." The scars that remain on Gai's face still make him cry inside whenever he sees them, and the blankness in Gai's eyes holds his movements in check. Then they explode into motion again, and Lee yells over the rushing wind, "They can't understand how good training is for those of us in the springtime of youth!" and then Gai is flying toward him, Lee starts to dodge but then Gai is behind him, flipping him head-over-heels and sending him into the dust.

Gai steps over him so that his shadow is cast over Lee's face, blocking the bright sunlight. "Lee, don't go easy on me. I might take it the wrong way."

Then he smiles and offers his hand down to his student. Lee blushes at being caught - how could he have thought he needed to go easy on the man who taught him? - then grins and takes Gai's hand. "Okay, now I'll go all-out!"

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more art from VC!

vampireking deviantart com/art/Recovery-58265898

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	5. Mine

Moonlight is falling through the window to illuminate the slight rising and falling as Gai breathes. Lee's head is laid on his chest, hair slightly mussed up from Gai's hand on the back of his head. The night is warm enough that they've both stripped down to boxers and are only covered by a light sheet; Lee's eyes are half-open and a very slight blush tints his cheeks. He still feels embarrassed to be sleeping in such close proximity to his sensei. Granted, it's no closer than when they would huddle together at night during missions to the northern regions, and there had been times they would be all but naked and bundled in the same blankets for warmth, but this was different. Not only were Neji and Tenten absent, but Gai was his now.

_Mine._

Lee mouthed the word to himself, loving the way it rolled off his tongue. No one would take him away. No one _could_ take him away - he wouldn't let them. And if they tried...

Well, the last one who had tried to tear them apart had ended up a thin paste on the bottom of a river rock.

_Mine._

Lee smiled, and Gai shifted slightly.

"Lee?" Gai breathed in the darkness. "You'll never fall asleep with your eyes open."

Lee smiled a little wider, not moving. "How did you know?"

"I can feel your eyelashes every time you blink." Lee sat up to look at Gai, the man was smiling very slightly. Lee never could tell whether the man had just woken up or had been awake for hours. Part of that was his eyes - it was hard to identify the physical signs of sleep deprivation with the unique scars that ran over Gai's right eye and most of his left. Lee reached forward, a hand ghosting over the scars, fingers spreading from where the sunbust of scar tissue started to the right of his eyes and following the lines to their limits.

"How is it, tonight?" he asked quietly. It still pained him every time he said it, but still he asked each night.

Gai stared up at Lee, almost as if he was looking through him. No one else would've noticed the slight bunching of his eyebrows, but Lee could recognize the sadness Gai felt for the loss of his vision. "I can almost see you," his hand came up to rest against the side of Lee's face, and Lee almost felt like his teacher could see him again. "There's not much color, but that could be the night." No one else realized how badly it hurt Gai to have lost the better part of his sight. His right eye was completely blind apart from noticing the most drastic of differences in light and dark, but his left still retained some very faded color vision. _"You're not crying tonight,"_ was left unsaid. Most nights, when Lee asked of Gai's vision - purely for medical purposes, he insisted to himself, Tsunade had made him promise - Lee's eyes would tear up. He wouldn't make a sound, wouldn't move any differently, and there were never enough to fall, but though there was no way Gai could see the tears he would still know. He would playfully punch Lee's cheek and tell him to cheer up, and Lee would smile in honest happiness - his teacher was still the same as always - though the tears wouldn't stop.

_We have to be strong for each other._

Lee laid back down, nuzzling the crook of Gai's neck and breathing deeply. Gai's scent was all around them, as much a part of the sheets as the cotton that they were woven of. Gai's hands - still bigger than Lee's, though not by so much now - traced up and down Lee's back lightly, touching here and kneading there until every knot was worked out of his muscles and Lee was all but purring in contentment. He moved on to Lee's arms, working the defined muscles there until the tension that tightened them daily was gone. Lee rolled onto his back beside his teacher, one hand trailing off the bed as Gai soothed the other with touches of his fingers. A small kiss as Gai moved to kneel over Lee, taking the trailing hand and gentling its pain. His hands danced over Lee's body, working their magic and taking the pain of training and fighting away until all that remained was a calmness that seemed more alive in its stillness than life itself in all its flitting movement.

Lee was on the edge of sleep when Gai finally laid down next to him, one hand trailing up Lee's body to rest across his torso. "Let me do you," Lee murmured as he sat up groggily, then blushed deep red when Gai let out a hearty laugh. "I-I meant a massage!" he sputtered, blushing deeper. Gai's laugh went on, and Lee shoved one of the pillows in his sensei's face until the loud laughs faded to light snickers.

"Cut it out. You know what I meant."

"I can feel you blushing from here," Gai chuckled as Lee sat across his abdomen. Lee put the pillow back over his face. "All right, all right," the laughs didn't stop, but Lee was smiling again, though the blush hadn't completely faded. He set his hands on Gai's shoulders, thumbs kneading softly in the dips made by his sensei's collarbone and fingers working over the large muscles of his shoulders. Every dip and ridge of Gai's body stood out, even in the dim light of the waxing crescent moon. Gai sighed in contentment, laughs trailing off into near-silence of soft breathing.

"Harder," Gai mumbled and Lee blushed deep again, but Gai didn't comment on it. Lee's hands were strong, but he was gentle as he pressed at the knots in the muscles beneath his fingers; loosening them gradually. Gai's eyes were closed and his face would twitch every now and again in pain as Lee touched a particularly taut muscle, but then he would sigh as the muscle relaxed under Lee's fingers. His hands drifted over the same places Gai's hands had on his own body. Shoulders, broader than Lee's even now; torso and abdomen, muscles so defined beneath tan that it seemed the skin might as well not even be there; legs strong enough to run for miles without even beginning to ache; feet with thick callouses on the bottoms from training barefoot for years. His hands trace up Gai's body, not breaking their connection, and begin to move down one arm. Their bodies weren't so different anymore, Lee thought to himself as he kneaded Gai's bicep, comparing his own. Lee had lost much of the wiriness of his youth and moved through his gangly teen years without too much trouble, though he was still lean where Gai's muscles were massive. He didn't mind, though, as he worked Gai's hands with the same expert touch Gai himself had used. It was good to touch his sensei without having to feel guilty for every stolen pat on the back or hug(he'd thought that Gai and Kakashi had been together for years, until Gai had set him straight one day with many laughs), without the protective bandages keeping palms from skin, without having to challenge his sensei to a sparring match just to watch him move or feel his touch, even if it was only in the form of a fist.

Lee laid himself along his sensei, dipping his head for a deep kiss. Gai's mouth opened to let him in, tongues playing with one another between soft sighs and small smiles. Gai chuckled softly, "Hiding something, Lee?" he murmured between kisses, and raised his hips to grind his hardness against Lee's. Lee blushed deep again and started to pull away, but Gai held him with an arm across his back. "Why are you always so embarrassed?"

Lee avoided his sensei's eyes, even though it didn't matter. "I...I don't know," he mumbled. He wasn't pushing away any longer, but he wasn't relaxing either.

"Lee," Gai whispered, raising himself up just enough to rest his cheek against Lee's. "I love you." he kissed Lee's cheek lightly. "Don't worry so much. I'm not going anywhere." He laid back and this time Lee bent with him, catching his lips again. Lee's hands came up from Gai's shoulders to caress the sides of his face, feeling every bump and ridge of his scars and for once not blaming himself.

"I love you," Lee whispered as he moved to nuzzle Gai's cheek, then nipped at his earlobe. He gasped softly and Lee smiled, running his tongue over the lower edge of Gai's ear before taking it between his lips. Gai ground lightly against him, hands twitching over Lee's back before moving lower to slip under his boxers and massage his ass lightly; pressing them closer in the process. Lee released his ear with another soft 'I love you' and planted a row of feather-light kisses down Gai's neck. He paused to flick his tongue across Gai's collarbone, then moved his body down as he continued his kisses down Gai's midline to his abdomen. He paused there, laying his cheek against the defined muscles and looking back up at Gai; he was staring straight up at the ceiling, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as Lee squirmed against him. He swirled his tongue in a circle around Gai's bellybutton before sitting up slightly. His eyes danced over Gai, from the soft sheen of sweat glinting on his skin to the strength of taut muscles with nothing to work against. Hair still blacker than starless midnight, shot with silver not from age but moonlight; eyes still so dark and beautiful and expressive despite the scars tracing around them; lips half-open for air that seemed to have disappeared in the wake of sensation.

"It's rude to stare, Lee," Gai whispered, closing his eyes.

Lee laughed quietly to himself as he kissed just above Gai's bellybutton. "You always know what I'm doing." Gai's hand moved up to ruffle Lee's hair. It was longer now than it had been in his early teen years; he'd regrown it and it was now pulled back in a loose braid as it had been when he'd first met Gai. Gai's fingers ran along the length of the braid - it only came to just below his shoulders - feeling every bump and twist of hair with fingers that had grown more sensative from lack of sight.

"I wish I could see you now," Gai whispered. Lee felt him falling into himself, and blew a breath of air along his stomach as if by accident.

Gai twitched and Lee kissed his abdomen again, grinning as he sat up. "If you can't see, then I won't either," and he snatched his hitai-ate from where it lay on the bedside table, putting it across his eyes and tying it tight. He fumbled for Gai's hands and then pressed them against the hitai-ate, even though he was certain Gai already knew what he'd done. Lee trailed his hands down Gai's arms to his face to feel his expression; he was smiling again. Lee smiled as well as he laid his head back down on Gai's stomach, hands moving down to tug at Gai's boxers. A few ungainly moments later the last of their clothes were on the floor and Lee's tongue was flitting over Gai's erection, the man groaning softly in need. Lee took his head in his mouth, sucking slightly as one hand wrapped around the base of Gai's member and the other cupped his balls. He delighted in the small noises Gai made, simple and animal in a way completely different but so similar to the noises of a heavy sparring match. Every gasp of breath, every suppressed whimper, every needy moan; Lee drank them in as he drew them out until Gai tensed and came, fingers digging into Lee's scalp as he writhed his tongue against the underside of his member and swallowed every droplet. Lee didn't pull away until Gai had fallen back against the bed, breathing still heavy but returning to normal quickly from years of taijutsu training.

Gai's mouth moved with silent words, mumbles accusing of 'torture' and 'evil' and 'too-good-at-that-for-your-age'. Lee laughed as he moved back up his body, hands trailing along muscles and lips placing kisses everywhere he came to. "You've stopped taking Tsunade's medicine again," he mumbled and ground against Gai, still hard.

Gai grumbled, "How could you tell?" and Lee knew his face would be like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"You taste different," Lee licked his lips and nipped Gai's shoulder playfully. Gai laughed softly and rolled his eyes.

"It's the most vile concoction I've ever tasted," he pulled Lee into a kiss, tongue sliding around his student's mouth to cut off any protestation. Lee made a mental note to do...something...tomorrow...or at least when Gai wasn't holding him so close, touching him and kissing him and possessing him and _mine mine mine mine mine..._

Lee pulled away and fumbled at the bedside table, hands clumsy from lack of sight but refusing to pull the hitai-ate away. He could feel Gai's smile and a moment later a small bottle was pressed into his hands. Lee blushed and stumbled over a 'thank you' and then gasped as he felt Gai's hands on him, cool and slick as they trailed the length of his member. Lee groaned, hands shaking so badly he almost dropped the bottle as he automatically thrust his hips forward. He froze, half-curled over Gai as he tried to regain control that was fast slipping away. A few moments later he'd flipped the cap off the bottle, pouring some of the liquid onto his fingers before dropping the bottle to the floor. Cool hands slid over heated flesh; Gai gasped as one of Lee's fingers pushed into him before pressing back against it to force it deeper. Lee groaned softly as Gai's hand tightened on his member, fighting against his body's urging to push and take until he was sated and who _cares_ how much it hurts later, instead adding another finger alongside the first. Gai caught Lee's lips with his own, his tongue writhing against Lee's between gasps and murmurs of encouragement and begging and promise and _do it do it do it--_

Lee pulled away from Gai's hands just enough to position himself, then slid forward as slowly as he could force himself to. It didn't help that Gai was pulling him forward wth hands on Lee's ass, forcing him in deeper until Lee's hips were tight against his. Lee let out a noise halfway between a whimper and a gasp - so _hot_, so _tight_ - on the edge of orgasm already, and then Gai was moving under him, writhing and groaning and making noises Lee would never forget. He forced himself to pull away and then Gai was pulling him forward again, holding him in as deep as he could go. Even though he was still Lee couldn't seem to catch his breath, sweat running down his back and dripping from the tip of his nose. Then one of Gai's fingers was pressing into him from behind and he jolted backward against it with a gasp, his body torn between the sensations of taking and being taken.

Pushing and moving and groans and gasps that could be whimpers or words, heat and sweat and pressure - Lee thrust forward as hard as he could over and over, loving the noises Gai made and the way his muscles tensed, and Gai would return with a twist of his fingers that forced Lee backward just to feel them more. Then Gai was tightening around him and his back was arched so far his stomach was flush with Lee's, head thrown back between Lee's arms bracing against the sheets and he carried Lee with him, forcing him deeper inside as he came and his fingers touched _something_ that pushed Lee over the edge and the world disappeared around them in lieu of the sensations within them.

Lee's arms gave out and he collapsed on top of Gai, shaking as he clutched at Gai's shoulders. His mouth was open as he gasped for breath, body still pulsing with the aftershocks of orgasm, and a whimper escaped him with every tensing of Gai's muscles.

_Mine._

_Mine._

_Mine._

Gai sighed as he forced one arm to come up from where it lay limply on the bed and set a hand on Lee's back. He trailed his fingers up and down the sweaty skin of Lee's spine lightly, then brought his hand up to gently massage the back of Lee's head with fingertips. Lee was mumbling something and had dropped off to sleep without removing the hitai-ate from his eyes. Gai undid the knot with one still slightly-shaking hand, letting it fall to the floor beside the bed.

"...Mm...mnn..." Lee murmured. With the brightness and angle of the moonlight, Gai could just make out his face. Lee's eyes were closed and a small smile was on his face, moving just enough for the syllable to repeat sleepily every now and again. But what struck Gai most was that every muscle about his eyes was relaxed. He brought a hand up to touch Lee's face gently. It was only in just the right light and at very short distances he could see anything with any sort of detail, and he treasured every night that the conditions were right to see Lee's face. He had grown his hair out, and his body was more proportional now, and his eyes had lost much of their roundness. He hardly resembled the tormented, frustrated little boy he had been when Gai first met him, and was much more mature and less eager to prove himself than when he had been a late genin.

In short, he'd grown up.

"Watashi no," Gai smiled as he brushed a finger across Lee's forehead to brush aside the bangs stuck there by sweat. He kissed each of Lee's closed eyelids lightly. "Anata no."

-----

This one's dedicated to my good friend Sanii. It was inspired by her Seme Lee picture(saniika deviantart com/art/BAD-ireireire-44941990?qby3Asaniika&qhsort3Atime+-in3Ascraps put periods where the spaces are between saniika/deviantart and deviantart/com), and she gave me ideas for a bunch of it -

-----

mmmmm sexy art from VC :D

vampireking deviantart com/art/Watashi-no-56470980 (put periods instead of spaces between vampireking/deviantart and deviantart/com)

Gai's scar is a bit too pronounced in his picture, check out my quick sketch to see a little closer to how it looks...

chima deviantart com/art/Gai-s-scars-56469561 (put periods instead of spaces between chima/deviantart and deviantart/com)


	6. After

"You're as beautiful as ever, " Gai smiles as they drop to the soft grass, breathing heavy from training. His face is smooth, unmarred by time or battle, and his hand comes up to toy with Lee's braid. Lee reaches out to cup the side of his face in one hand, thumb moving softly over his skin. The sun is shining down on them, coming between the leaves and giving everything an emerald glow, and a breeze moves the leaves just enough to make the light shift as Gai leans in to kiss him.

"Lee! Gai!!" Naruto calls from the peak of the next hill over, waving his arms and jumping up and down as if he's still an immature twelve-year-old instead of the Rokudaime Hokage of Konohagakure. He sends a kunai flying toward them; it buries itself into a nearby tree and suddenly he's balancing on one foot atop it. "Sakura's pregnant again! Tsunade says it's gonna be a boy this time!"

"That's great, Naruto," Lee grins and leans back against Gai as Naruto hops down off the kunai. He's still wearing his robes of office.

"Do you know whose it is this time?" Gai chuckles and Naruto blushes, covering it with a huge grin.

"We think it's Sasuke's this time," the same smile as always, "Which is fair, y'know, since the last one was mine. You remember what happened when Awaji was born with blond hair."

"_Everyone_ remembers that," Lee laughed. "You were black and blue for weeks, until she bubbled something that sounded like 'katon'."

"So let's pray that this one's got black hair, right?" then they're all laughing again, because they all remember, and the world's finally coming together as it's meant to be.

Then Lee sees the smoke over Naruto's shoulder, off on the far side of Konoha. "Naruto--!" Lee yells as he jumps up, and before the name the name is even out of his mouth Naruto turns from happy father-to-be into something else; his eyes narrow and his body tenses, and heat emanates from his body as he spins about to face Konoha. His ears twitch at an unheard sound and then he's gone in a flash of light.

-----

"You need to get some sleep, Lee," Neji says quietly. Lee has dark rings around his eyes, and he seems to be having a hard time sitting up straight.

"Yeah, I actually caught you with a shuriken today," Tenten adds, resting her chin on her fists and looking at the shallow cut on Lee's cheek. "I haven't managed that since we were like, 12!"

Lee raises his head enough to look at her tiredly for a moment, then stands. "I should get going." He sets a handful of ryo on the table next to his half-full plate of curry.

"Lee, no, I'll pay for lunch today, don't worry about it," Tenten is pulling out her wallet, but Lee is already bowing and stepping away from the table. She starts to stand up and go after him but sits back down again with one hand half-raised. "B-bye, then..." She stares after him as he ducks under the cloth hanging in the doorway, hand slowly falling back to the table. "Every day, isn't it? Right around this time..." she says quietly without turning away from the doorway as Neji takes another sip of his tea. "Where does he go?"

Neji sets his cup down with a small sigh, eyes closed, then opens them to look after Lee. "You can't guess?"

-----

"They're getting harder to find," Lee whispers as he sets a lily on the stone. He stands and steps away from it, taking a deep breath as he closes his eyes and turns his face to the sky. Slowly, he moves into a fighting stance, beginning a taijutsu form in the calf-high grass. His fists break the air for several moments before he pulls them close again, legs coming up in a series of wide-reaching kicks that spin him in cartwheels across the grass before he lands on his hands, fluidly rotating to reverse his momentum. He silently moves in the other direction, hands and feet dealing and deflecting blows. His eyes are still closed as he lets his muscles take over where his mind is no longer needed due to years of practice.

-----

They don't need any time to prepare, off like a shot back toward Konoha. Lee and Gai bound together down the hill, halfway between running and falling down the steep slope, and they leap together off a boulder jutting out of the ground to land in the lower boughs of the trees surrounding them. There's none of the joy on their faces there usually is, only determination to stop whoever dared to hurt their village. They're halfway through town when Ino appears beside them, leaping from building to building.

Lee's eyes go wide. "Inochan--" She's heavy with child, but ignoring her body's condition in favor of her mind's commands to defend her village. "You shouldn't be out like this right now!"

"They might need me," she's breathing heavily already, but her eyes are too full of determination to let her body stop yet.

"Go home, Ino," Gai's voice holds more command than Lee could ever hope to. Ino looks at him, a glimmer of doubt in her eyes, but his level stare makes her turn back.

"Promise you'll send for me if you need me!" she calls after them, and Lee waves in acknowledgement before facing forward again.

-----

_Lee._ Lee. "Lee."

Lee's eyes snap open, his body freezing mid-kick an instant before his foot would have slammed into the side of Kakashi's head.

"You haven't been sleeping again, have you?" Kakashi asks, but it's more of a statement than a question. He doesn't seem the least bit bothered by Lee nearly taking his head from his shoulders.

Lee blushes and lowers his foot, letting himself drop to the ground. "I'm sorry, Kakashisan, I should have been more careful, I just didn't think you would be here so early--" Kakashi raises an eyebrow, and suddenly Lee realizes the sun is all but set. "Oh no...I was supposed to meet Kiba after lunch...I only meant to be here for a little while--" he starts to stand again, but Kakashi pushes him back to the ground. Or tries to; Lee's instincts take over and they trade quick, light blows for several seconds as Lee tries to stand and Kakashi prevents him one way or another. Finally Kakashi grabs Lee's braid and catches him in the forehead with a solid flick of two fingers and Lee gives in, sitting back on the soft grass.

"Kiba doesn't mind that you didn't come," Kakashi says lazily as he pulls out Icha Icha Paradise and turns to watch the last flares of the sunset. Some leftover from his childhood makes Lee blush at the sight of Kakashi holding that perverse book so blatantly. "He gave it to me, you know," Kakashi says a few moments later, shaking the book slightly to make its pages flutter as Lee starts to stand again.

"What?"

"Gai. He gave me this copy of Icha Icha Paradise. It was his present to me for graduating to Jounin." He pauses. "...I usually keep it at home, so it won't get damaged." Lee falls back to the ground, all strength gone from his legs.

He doesn't realize he's crying until he sees the tears on his hands. Kakashi pretends not to notice for a few moments as Lee begins to sob quietly, but when the tears don't stop he kneels beside Lee and sets a hand on his shoulder. He fumbles for words for a few moments as Lee turns his face toward the base of the memorial, fingers digging into the soil where it meets the stone as they search for an outlet for the pain.

"...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up." Lee can't stop the tears now, burying his face in his hands and digging his fingers into his scalp as if it could release the pounding there.

"When will the nightmares stop, Kakashi?" he chokes out between sobs. "When will I be able to fall asleep at night and not miss him next to me...not dream of how things used to be...?"

Kakashi doesn't answer for several moments, just squeezes Lee's shoulder gently. Finally he sighs and stands up, looking out over the memorial and to the stars that are beginning to glint in the sky. Lee never noticed the lines around his eyes until just now. Somehow Kakashi had seemed more eternal than the mountains, unaging and unchanging even when everyone around him did. He looks so tired; Lee can see it now in the droop of his shoulders and the shadow of his mouth behind his mask. "...I'll let you know."

-----

"Lee, oh Lee..." Gai pants as he thrusts into Lee, arms holding them tight against one another. Lee wraps his legs around Gai's waist as a low keen escapes his lips.

"Don't stop...don't stop..." Lee is whimpering and his nails dig into Gai's back as he tries to find something to ground him so he doesn't come yet. He squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face against Gai's shoulder, biting hard into Gai's skin. He tastes like sweat and summer and burning chakra. Gai gasps in pain and pleasure and pulls Lee down harder against him in time to his thrusts; Lee cries out and his back arches, pulling his upper body away from Gai. Lee can feel Gai coming inside him as the man pulls them tight together again despite the fact that Lee is writhing so badly he can barely hold on to him.

When Lee can finally breathe again he runs a hand down the side of Gai's face. The scars he had become so accustomed to feeling are gone. Lee opens his eyes and Gai is smiling in that small way of his, the smile he hardly shows to anyone. Gai brushes a strand of hair away from where it was stuck to Lee's face, leaning in to kiss him. "I love you." Lee sits stock-still, eyes filling with tears. When Gai pulls away from him he looks at him oddly. "Lee?"

"G-Gai..." tears are streaming down his face, now, and he throws his arms around his former sensei. "I miss you...I miss you so much..." he's sobbing into his dream's shoulder, not caring it's not real, only caring that for this instant he can pretend that Gai is really there. "It hurts so bad...I don't know what to do anymore..."

-----

ok, from here on the story splits into two - the happy ending and the sad ending. Just pick whichever you want to read; you don't _have_ to read both, although I'd reccommend reading the sad ending(so you know what happened to Gai)and then the happy ending(so you don't want to kill yourself). I've been told they both seem equally likely, which makes me wanna cry cuz I love my Leekun v.v

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VC is actually going to draw a manga for this chapter o.o

check out the title page

vampireking deviantart com/art/the-end-cover-line-art-60473222

some character sketches

vampireking deviantart com/art/broken-love-the-end-sketches-61453243


	7. After: Sad Ending

"G-Gai..." tears are streaming down his face, now, and he throws his arms around his former sensei. "I miss you...I miss you so much..." he's sobbing into his dream's shoulder, not caring it's not real, only caring that for this instant he can pretend that Gai is really there. "It hurts so bad...I don't know what to do anymore..." everything is disappearing, the world dripping away to blackness like a painting thrown in a river, until only he and Gai are left. He feels Gai slipping away and holds tighter. "P-please, don't go...don't leave me..." if he opened his eyes now he knows there would be nothing there, so he keeps them shut tight even though the dream-solidity his arms are wrapped around is turning to vapors. "DON'T LEAVE ME!!!"

He screams himself awake, tears streaming down his face. It's still dark out; the sun hasn't even begun to rise yet. Lee curls his legs to his chest in the middle of the large bed, burying his face in arms set on his knees, and doesn't bother trying to quiet the sobs.

-----

"Won't you stay for tea?" Gaara asks quietly as Lee turns to leave. Lee pauses in the doorway; something in the way Gaara said it implied more than simple formality. When Lee half-turns back toward him, the redhead fumbles for words. "I know...we were never...'friends'. It would've been impossible. But I never..." his forehead bunches together as he tries to find words. "...I never properly apologized." Lee turned to face him. "You haven't been sleeping. Have tea with me." Gaara's face is back to its usual expressionless mask, but there's something in his eyes that had never been in the eyes of the bakemono of his youth.

-----

Gaara is silent as he pours the tea; eyes nearly closed and hands holding the teapot with a gentleness no one would've expected him to have in his early years as Kazekage. He had been all business then, doing what had to be done quickly and efficiently with no thought for emotion or subtlety. Now, as Lee looked at him, it seemed impossible that this was the same person who had nearly killed him years ago. In a way he isn't, Lee supposed, as Gaara sets the teapot to the side with a soft exhalation of contentment. Lee lifts the bowl, turning it slightly before sipping the steaming liquid.

The room is dancing with shadows from the flowers arranged across the window; soft breezes carry their aroma through the room for a subtler, more beautiful scent than any incense could provide. This room is cooler than most in Suna but warmer than those of Konoha this time of year. Gaara's kimono is red and black silk, the two colors blending into one another so seamlessly it's impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. Lee's is pale green, small vines tracing their way in thread up from the hem. For some reason these little details seem more important than anything else in the world.

Lee sighs as he holds the bowl out to Gaara, bowing slightly as Gaara's smooth hands touch his rough ones and gently take the bowl from him. Lee watches as Gaara raises the bowl slightly to him, then drinks. His eyes are all but closed and every muscle of his face is relaxed, as if every care is gone from his mind. They sit in silence for several minutes after Gaara has set the bowl down once more.

"May I?" Lee asks, gesturing to the tea set. Gaara nods and Lee lifts the teapot to examine it, a crimson silk cloth between his fingers and the ceramic. It isn't skillfully crafted, but its small flaws only add to its beauty. The glaze is uneven in places, and doesn't quite cover to the bottom edge; the cover scrapes very slightly when placed; the spout is slightly crooked.

"My wife and daughter made it for me," Gaara says softly.

"It's beautiful," Lee breathes.

Gaara has an odd look on his face as he takes the cloth and pot from Lee's hands. It's as if he wants to say something but doesn't know what it is, nevermind how to say it. "It's my most treasured possession," he whispers. It occurs to Lee suddenly that Gaara finally feels love, even if he doesn't recognize it as such. "I'll have to introduce you to them, sometime," Gaara says as he begins to clean the utensils.

"I'd love to meet them," Lee smiles. Silence falls again, only broken by the small noises of Gaara storing the tea set.

"You haven't been sleeping well," Gaara says suddenly. Lee snaps out of his reverie at the observation and colors slightly. Some of Gaara's old bluntness is still there, he notes to himself.

He fumbles with several answers in his mind and finally settles with "No. I haven't." Even though he consciously knows there's no real danger, some subconscious warning makes him want to avoid the subject of sleep with an insomniac. Still, he can't help but ask, "Have you managed to sleep at all?"

"Yes." Lee tries to mask his surprise but doesn't quite manage. He could almost swear he saw a hint of a smile on Gaara's face; as if the redhead said it just for the reaction.

Lee tries to think of a more polite way to ask, but his curiosity overcomes his respect. "How?"

"I drink," Gaara says simply as he sits once more, now with a bottle of sake in hand. "It puts me to sleep, and Shukaku as well. When he's asleep, he's no danger to anyone." A far-away look comes into his eyes - still dark-rimmed - as he raises the bottle to his lips and he whispers, "I even dream sometimes." He's silent for several moments as he drinks, and when he lowers the bottle he stands and walks to the window. Lee follows him as he folds his arms on the sill, nudging flowers out of the way. When Lee looks closer he sees that the flowers are growing out of a small dip filled with soil that's built into the windowsill. "When Shukaku starts to come alive before I do, Ame wakes me." He takes another deep swig from the bottle, then offers it to Lee without turning from the view out the window. It's such an odd contrast to the formality and subtlety of the tea ceremony they'd finished not long ago that Lee actually takes the bottle from his hand, holding it to his nose and then passing it back with a snort of distaste.

"I'm sorry, I can't drink," he says at Gaara's odd look.

"Ahh, I remember now...Suiken. 'Drunken Fist'. I would've liked to fight you when you're drunk. At least...back then." Lee watches him take a long drink and can almost see him staring Shukaku down.

-----

The smell of smoke gets stronger the closer to the east district they get. There's no one left here, the civilians are either hiding in their houses or have already run away. Lee bites his lip as they stop to check the vitals on a body lying on the edge of the street; a civilian, one he didn't know, dead. There's nothing they can do now, so they keep moving deeper into the east district. Suddenly Lee skids to a stop in the middle of the street.

Gai stop a moment later. "What is it?"

"We've got to turn back," he gasps out, "if we go this way--" he bites his lip, knowing he shouldn't say it. Tears start to well up in his eyes. "If we go this way you're going to die and leave me alone!" It's what he means to say, even if it won't make any difference because he _knows_ this is another nightmare, but he has to try, has to see if he can make a difference in the way things turn out.

Gai is nodding and Lee realizes he hears himself saying something about this part of the district funneling smoke too well and they could get caught in one of the oxygenless areas too easily. He tries to scream no, they have to turn back, but nothing comes out and then he and Gai are taking a route around the commercial area of the east district and going through the residential instead. More bodies; more means the enemy is close, so there's no time to check them for vitals; Lee is crying but no matter how hard he tries he can't make himself stop following Gai.

One of the burning buildings near then explodes suddenly, sending shrapnel flying out the windows, and Lee brings his arms up to protect himself. A piece of metal tears his hand wraps and digs a deep furrow in his arm, he winces and grits his teeth against the pain. He and Gai are standing back to back, looking for the enemy, and suddenly a shadow is falling toward them from above. They both leap away, ready to attack, but it hits the ground with a soft _thud_ and they realize it's another dead body. Gai steps forward cautiously and Lee screams for him to stop, tearing away from the dream-world's set timeline and trying to shove him away as he turns the body over but it's too late and all he sees is a small smile on the body's face, whispering one word.

_"Kibaku."_

Then the world shatters as the body explodes, throwing Lee back and half-through a broken window. He's screaming but not from the pain of the glass shards that are buried deep in his back or the massive burns on his face; he's screaming because the world is red from the blood dripping in his eyes and he can see Gai across the street, half-through a door that shattered when he slammed into it. Lee runs over even though his body screams in protest, the glass tore muscle and tendon and he can feel himself on the verge of passing out but he somehow makes it over to Gai, and--

and--

--and then he's screaming himself awake again, tears rolling down his face, and the smell of smoke and charred flesh is still in his nostrils and he's throwing up because every detail is seared into his mind.

He doesn't feel the hands trying to steady him or hear the kind words meant to calm him, all he knows is the reek of burning and the sound of Gai's name as it's screamed from his lips.

-----

When Lee comes back to Konoha Naruto mysteriously can't find him any missions, so he has a few days to himself. He spends them training at the memorial. On the third day it's raining, and he hasn't tried to sleep since the first. At twilight, when Kakashi appears, Lee doesn't stop his training; he just continues it around him. Kakashi leaves once the sun has fully set, but it doesn't register in Lee's mind.

It's after midnight when Lee slips. It's nothing more than a matter of wet grass and deep mud, but when Lee lands flat on his back he somehow can't bring himself to stand. The rain isn't too heavy, fat raindrops land on his face and make him blink every few seconds. He doesn't know how long he's been lying there when he feels someone standing over him.

In years past he would've been able to identify them by the sound of their footsteps, but now all he can hear is the crackling of fire and an echo of his years-old scream. After training with Kiba, he would've been able to tell who it was by their scent, but all he smells anymore is smoke and the acidic smell of burned-through chakra. Years of training with Neji have made his eyes ultra sensative, but he can't see anything but memories. He blames the thunder and rain and darkness instead.

"You're going to catch your death of cold out here," the shadow says and holds a hand out to him. Lee tries to lift his arm to take it, but his hand falls back to the mud.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on without him, Kakashi," Lee whispers after a moment, feeling tears mixing with the rain on his face as he stares through Kakashi at the sky. Kakashi sits down next to him, pants squelching as he settles in the mud. They sit in silence for what could be hours or minutes; the rain erases all sense of time. Lee doesn't realize he's speaking until he hears himself say, "...I've been thinking of going to join him."

He hears a gasp, but it's not from Kakashi. It's from the figure that's just appeared on his other side, a few feet away, and then hands are grabbing his vest and shaking him and yelling at him for even _thinking _that way, what happened to the shinobi who was so determined to become the best he could be, who would never give up, and what would Gai think of him if he heard him talking like that-- Kakashi tells Naruto to shut up and for some reason he does but doesn't let Lee go. Lee doesn't look at him. He's so tired, more tired than he's ever been in his life. There's a weight in his chest that never goes away, and it's not comforting like the ones he used to wear under his legwarmers - instead it squeezes tighter every day until every breath is a chore and every smile is fake. Naruto is silent and Lee realizes he's crying quietly and saying it all, about the pain and the nightmares and everything that reminds him of Gai that he wants to get rid of to make it stop hurting but he can't because then he might start to forget him.

When his words subside to quiet sobs Naruto is still holding him half off the ground by his chuunin vest. He feels Naruto's hands tighten, shaking, on the material. "Awaji..." he mumbles, not looking at Lee's face - afraid of the all-but-dead eyes he'll see. "...and Saizou...they'll miss training with you." And then he lets Lee go, standing up as if it's the hardest thing in the world.

He's started walking away when he hears Lee croak, "Naruto," and he turns around, and Lee is glad he can't see the present because if he could then Naruto's eyes would be almost as painful as his worst nightmares. "...Thank you."

"N-no problem," Naruto's voice shakes, and Lee can tell he's pasted a fake smile onto his face even though he can't see it.

Kakashi helps Lee sit up and Naruto turns away, his smile falling from his face. Lee feels the cool metal of a kunai being pressed into his hand and closes his fingers around it as he folds his legs under him. Kakashi moves to stand behind him, one hand on Lee's shoulder and neither condemning nor encouraging; simply waiting.

Lee stares unseeing into the rain-soaked darkness, and Naruto snaps his eyes shut as Lee drives the kunai home.

-----

I did a sketch for this, before I wrote it actually, and it's what inspired the entire After chapter

chima deviantart com/art/At-the-Memorial-57353808

put periods instead of spaces between chima/deviantart and deviantart/com

I actually almost didn't write the After chapter, because I didn't want to hurt Lee, but it kinda demanded to be written...at least I've the Happy Ending to console myself v.v


	8. After: Happy Ending

"G-Gai..." tears are streaming down his face, now, and he throws his arms around his former sensei. "I miss you...I miss you so much..." he's sobbing into his dream's shoulder, not caring it's not real, only caring that for this instant he can pretend that Gai is really there. "It hurts so bad...I don't know what to do anymore..."

"Shhh, it's all right," dream-Gai tells him, one hand coming up to pat the back of Lee's head.

"It's _not_, I can't stop thinking about you, I don't know how to go on anymore--" before the words are even out of Lee's mouth Gai has pulled away and punched him across the jaw. Lee's head snaps to the side and he stares at the wall in shock.

"Cheer up. Who's this sad little boy in front of me? Where's my Lee? My strong, unstoppable, beautiful green beast of Konoha?" Gai is looking around with one hand shading his eyes, and then he stops and pinches Lee's cheek with a wide grin. "Where's he gone?" And Lee can't help but smile now, even though he's still crying. Then he's laughing and crying and clutching Gai close again, and this time Gai doesn't push him away. He lets Lee cry himself out, and when he quiets again kisses his forehead. "Everything will be all right. Don't worry. It'll all be fine, I promise."

When Lee wakes in the morning there are tears dried on his face, but for the first time in months he feels like he can face the day.

-----

"Won't you stay for tea?" Gaara asks quietly as Lee turns to leave. Lee pauses in the doorway; something in the way Gaara said it implied more than simple formality. When Lee half-turns back toward him, the redhead fumbles for words. "I know...we were never...'friends'. It would've been impossible. But I never..." his forehead bunches together as he tries to find words. "...I never properly apologized." Lee turned to face him. "You haven't been sleeping. Have tea with me." Gaara's face is back to its usual expressionless mask, but there's something in his eyes that had never been in the eyes of the bakemono of his youth.

-----

Gaara is silent as he pours the tea; eyes nearly closed and hands holding the teapot with a gentleness no one would've expected him to have in his early years as Kazekage. He had been all business then, doing what had to be done quickly and efficiently with no thought for emotion or subtlety. Now, as Lee looked at him, it seemed impossible that this was the same person who had nearly killed him years ago. In a way he isn't, Lee supposed, as Gaara sets the teapot to the side with a soft exhalation of contentment. Lee lifts the bowl, turning it slightly before sipping the steaming liquid.

The room is dancing with shadows from the flowers arranged across the window; soft breezes carry their aroma through the room for a subtler, more beautiful scent than any incense could provide. This room is cooler than most in Suna but warmer than those of Konoha this time of year. Gaara's kimono is red and black silk, the two colors blending into one another so seamlessly it's impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. Lee's is pale green, small vines tracing their way in thread up from the hem. For some reason these little details seem more important than anything else in the world.

Lee sighs as he holds the bowl out to Gaara, bowing slightly as Gaara's smooth hands touch his rough ones and gently take the bowl from him. Lee watches as Gaara raises the bowl slightly to him, then drinks. His eyes are all but closed and every muscle of his face is relaxed, as if every care is gone from his mind. They sit in silence for several minutes after Gaara has set the bowl down once more.

"May I?" Lee asks, gesturing to the tea set. Gaara nods and Lee lifts the teapot to examine it, a crimson silk cloth between his fingers and the ceramic. It isn't skillfully crafted, but its small flaws only add to its beauty. The glaze is uneven in places, and doesn't quite cover to the bottom edge; the cover scrapes very slightly when placed; the spout is slightly crooked.

"My wife and daughter made it for me," Gaara says softly.

"It's beautiful," Lee breathes.

Gaara has an odd look on his face as he takes the cloth and pot from Lee's hands. It's as if he wants to say something but doesn't know what it is, nevermind how to say it. "It's my most treasured possession," he whispers. It occurs to Lee suddenly that Gaara finally feels love, even if he doesn't recognize it as such. "I'll have to introduce you to them, sometime," Gaara says as he begins to clean the utensils.

"I'd love to meet them," Lee smiles. Silence falls again, only broken by the small noises of Gaara storing the tea set.

"You haven't been sleeping well," Gaara says suddenly. Lee snaps out of his reverie at the observation and colors slightly. Some of Gaara's old bluntness is still there, he notes to himself.

He fumbles with several answers in his mind and finally settles with "No. I haven't." Even though he consciously knows there's no real danger, some subconscious warning makes him want to avoid the subject of sleep with an insomniac. Still, he can't help but ask, "Have you managed to sleep at all?"

"Yes." Lee tries to mask his surprise but doesn't quite manage. He could almost swear he saw a hint of a smile on Gaara's face; as if the redhead said it just for the reaction.

Lee tries to think of a more polite way to ask, but his curiosity overcomes his respect. "How?"

"I drink," Gaara says simply as he sits once more, now with a bottle of sake in hand. "It puts me to sleep, and Shukaku as well. When he's asleep, he's no danger to anyone." A far-away look comes into his eyes - still dark-rimmed - as he raises the bottle to his lips and he whispers, "I even dream sometimes." He's silent for several moments as he drinks, and when he lowers the bottle he stands and walks to the window. Lee follows him as he folds his arms on the sill, nudging flowers out of the way. When Lee looks closer he sees that the flowers are growing out of a small dip filled with soil that's built into the windowsill. "When Shukaku starts to come alive before I do, Ame wakes me." He takes another deep swig from the bottle, then offers it to Lee without turning from the view out the window. It's such an odd contrast to the formality and subtlety of the tea ceremony they'd finished not long ago that Lee actually takes the bottle from his hand, holding it to his nose and then passing it back with a snort of distaste.

"I'm sorry, I can't drink," he says at Gaara's odd look.

"Ahh, I remember now...Suiken. 'Drunken Fist'. I would've liked to fight you when you're drunk. At least...back then." Lee watches him take a long drink and can almost see him staring Shukaku down.

-----

Gai's fist shoots forward and Lee slips fluidly to the side, barely avoiding its impact before he's shifting his balance and swinging his foot up. Gai twists to catch Lee's leg between his arms and Lee knew he would, so he uses the cross of Gai's arms as a brace to slide himself under his mentor's arms and behind him, twisting and dealing a heavy double-kick to Gai's back. Gai shifts forward and lets his knees give out at the last moment so instead of Lee's feet hitting the back of his vest they hit nothing but air. Lee starts to collapse to the ground but catches himself on his hands, flipping away from Gai to avoid the elbow that comes around as Gai spins toward him. They trade blows for several more minutes until Lee is just barely too slow in avoiding a punch and is caught across the face; he manages to turn his head to avoid most of the impact but it's close enough to scare the little blond girl watching them into a squeal.

"LEESAN!!!" she screams and jumps up as Lee twists to the ground, thrown off balance by Gai's punch and her scream. She's standing over him and he's too shocked to do anything but stare at her in bemused confusion as she yells at the man who's at least three times as tall as her. Then her fist flies forward and Gai falls down, curled around himself, and Lee can't stop laughing.

"Awaji!!" Naruto calls as he comes over the crest of the hill, and then he sees Lee laughing so hard he's crying and Gai curled up and stops in his tracks, blinking. "What'd you do?"

"Gaisensei hit Leesan!" she squeals and runs toward Naruto, burying her face in his pant leg as Sakura crests the hill behind him. She's chatting with Ino, and Sasuke is on her other side with a hand around her waist. Ino's hand is resting on the beginnings of a bulge in her own belly.

"That girl's got a future in taijutsu," Gai puts on a grin past the tears in the corners of his eyes, still not quite able to stand.

Then everything freezes. Sakura is caught mid-wave to Lee, Ino beaming at something she said a moment ago; Sasuke has a very small smile quirking the corners of his mouth. Naruto is frozen with Awaji lifted half into the air and both of them have the exact same smile on their faces.

Lee rolls over to look at Gai, who uncurls himself easily. "They're going to need you, you know," he mock-punches Lee's cheek. "Somebody's got to teach these kids some decent taijutsu." Lee rolls onto his belly and rests his chin on his folded arms. He doesn't speak for a few moments.

"Can I do it without you? I mean, what if I mess up? What if I _hurt_ one of them?" The thought of leaving a mark, no matter how light or accidental, on Awaji or any of the other students horrifies him.

"We all worry about hurting those we love. You wouldn't believe how terrified I was of hurting you when I first met you." Gai ruffles Lee's hair and sits up, a small smile coming onto his face. "I almost didn't take the offer to teach you for just that reason. I was afraid I would push you too hard and you would break or hate me forever."

Lee pushes himself up off the ground instantly. "I could never hate you!"

"Exactly!" Gai grinned and pointed at him. "That's exactly what I had to learn, and what you've got to realize. Just start out slow, with the basics." He gestured over his shoulder. "They're your family. They won't leave you so easily."

Lee's eyes welled up with tears, and he pushed himself forward to fall against Gai and wrap him in a tight hug. He was crying again but didn't care, because Gai was sighing and rolling his eyes and had the scar over his eye that Kakashi teased him for, and he was holding Lee tight and patting the back of his head and kissing his temple like he always used to. Lee was alternating between sobbing into Gai's shoulder and kissing him, even though he knew it was only a dream. "I love you so much...I miss you so bad but I love you and I'm never ever gonna stop..."

"I love you too, Lee," Gai whispered into his ear. "I love you too."

-----

Lee is moving through a taijutsu form, a small smile on his face as he watches Awaji out of the corner of his eyes. She's staring at him with awe as he flips across the grass and spins through the air, and he can't help but show off a little because every time he does something particularly 'dangerous' she gives a little gasp and her hands come up to cover her eyes.

"Awaji!" Naruto calls as he appears over the crest of the hill, waving to his daughter. She jumps up and Lee swings by her, lifting her in a fluid movement and she squeals in mock-terror as he flips back upright with her on his shoulders.

"Daddy!!" she cries happily, waving back as Lee trots toward him. Sasuke and Sakura are close behind Naruto, holding one hand each of a little boy with black hair that stands out at every angle conceivable. Sakura's belly is big again, and Lee can tell that Sasuke is trying his hardest to keep anyone from noticing how carefully he watches her.

"How're you doin, sweetie?" Naruto says as he ruffes his daughter's hair. Ino is coming over the hill, now, Neji with one arm around her waist and a little boy with long black hair trotting before them. Neji whispers something to Ino, a small smile on his face, and she giggles. Suddenly the little boy stumbles, but before he can even begin to fall Neji's hand has whipped forward to steady him.

"He's never going to learn balance if you never let him fall, Neji," Lee laughs, and Neji colors slightly at having been caught.

"I just...don't want him to get hurt," Neji mumbles, and Lee nods.

Sasuke starts to step toward Lee, but the little boy refuses to let go of him. Instead, he lets go of Sakura, sticking the thumb of the hand she was holding in his mouth. She laughs and turns to Ino, leaving Sasuke staring at the little boy as if he's no idea what to do. The little boy stares right back at him, blinking owlishly as he sucks his thumb. A moment of awkwardness ensues that everyone pointedly ignores in which Sasuke tries to pick up the little boy but can't seem to manage it because he's being so careful; finally he settles on walking toward Lee at a pace his son can follow.

Lee lifts Awaji off his shoulders and she clings to Naruto like a limpet before reaching toward Sakura. "Mommy!" she squeals, and Naruto walks over to her with a laugh. Sasuke leads Lee a few feet away from the others to under the shade of the tree on the top of the hill, the little boy still holding tight to his hand.

"You're growing so quick, Saizou, you're gonna be bigger than us soon!" Lee laughs down at the little boy, who just stares up at him. Lee turns to Sasuke with an almost-nervous smile. "Still not talking, huh?"

"No, not yet. He's probably just so used to not getting a word in around Awaji, he doesn't realize he can talk yet," another of Sasuke's rare smiles, the ones that are just barely there for an instant and then gone again.

"I'm sure he'll start talking when he has something to say, and then you won't be able to keep him quiet," Lee smiles. Saizou has knelt down - still holding Sasuke's hand - and is staring at a tuft of long grass.

Sasuke watches him for a moment, and then speaks without turning back to Lee. "...I was wondering if you'd teach them taijutsu. I know he's not ready yet, but Awaji won't stop bothering us about it - you're all she ever talks about anymore," that small smile comes onto his face again as he glances back at Sakura and the others.

In that instant they both feel a small shock and there's a tiny sound from their feet that's no louder than the rustling of leaves above them; they look down and the very tip of the blade of grass Saizou is staring at is glowing red and giving off the tiniest of smoke trails. Saizou's free hand is twisted up in a parody of a seal that Sasuke can only ever remember one other person using.

"I..." Sasuke's eyes are wide and his voice is barely above a whisper. "I won't have anyone but the best teach them."

-----

I did a picture myself for this, which is kinda meh right now but I'm gonna polish up later when I have time to

chima deviantart com/art/After-Happiness-colored-61593312

I can't wait to see more of the manga VC is writing T-T

put periods instead of spaces between chima/deviantart and deviantart/com


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